A Portable Identity: A Woman's Guide To Maintaining
A Sense Of Self While Moving Overseas.

Debra R. Bryson and Charise M. Hoge
A Park Publication, 2003 ISBN 1-932196-14-5
Reviewed by Valerie Scane

Much has been written about the trials of the accompanying expatriate partner, from the chaos of organizing a move to a far-flung location, to the traumas of culture shock, and to the loss of the partner's sense of self. Experts consistently ask what organizational sponsors are doing to support these women (the vast majority are wives, although the number of accompanying husbands is growing). It remains an important question as survey after survey indicate that over half of the assignments that have been cut short are due to the spouse's unwillingness or inability to adapt to their new life. The cost to the sponsoring organization is enormous, so it is well worth their while to find ways to support partners better.

However, while organizational support is critical, by looking to the organization only, we underline the victim status of the partner: you, the organization, did this to her, so now you have to fix her. In this equation, we forget the power of the individual to take the opportunity expatriation brings both to take stock of, and even refashion her life. Up until now, though, there have been few guides to help the partner work through the trauma and grief associated with an expatriate assignment. Fortunately for partners everywhere, Bryson and Hoge had rectified that situation by creating A Portable Identity.

Bryson and Hoge are both American social workers who met while accompanying their respective husbands on postings to Thailand. While there, both went through the classic loss of identity most expatriate partners face. Their experience combined with their counseling backgrounds gave them the skills to develop this honest, informative and user-friendly workbook for partners. It is explicitly targeted at the partner who is in the midst of an assignment and who is perhaps struggling with her role and identity in a culture and community where all her normal touchstones are gone. A Portable Identity sets out to help expatriate women through the transitional state that occurs as they realize they cannot be who they were, but are baffled and frightened about who they could or should become.

The authors have created a model called the Wheel, around which the book is organized. It is based on the partner's commitment to change, grow and take risks. Once the partner makes that fundamental commitment, the authors lead the partner through the transitional process. First, they help the partner access her own personal resources; second, they help her access or develop tools to help construct a new identity. These tools include seeking external support and activities as well as developing the ability to communicate with herself. In practicing these tools, the partner can develop a new and stronger identity and take advantage of the challenges and experiences expatriate life presents.

Hoge and Bryson developed their models while giving workshops to expatriate partners in Thailand, and this background may explain why certain parts are less clear than perhaps they might be. When working through the seven tools in the Wheel model, I often felt that I was going over the same ground. I had a difficult time distinguishing between, for instance, "re-establishing a support network" and "seeking out external activities." I suspect that the distinctions are perfectly clear when the authors are delivering the workshop, but working on my own, I had a sense of frustration that I was not moving on. This is, of course, always a concern when translating a face-to-face, interactive format into one through which the individual works on her own.

Another minor quibble about the structure of the book lies in the authors' focus on expatriates already on assignment. Perhaps this is simply pragmatic as certainly not many partners have the luxury of time to use this book or attend workshops before they depart. However, there would be value in receiving the book before departure and taking the time to work through the first section, "Your identity before the decision." This exposure to some of the critical issues that face partners might better prepare partners for the assignment, or possibly help them make a better informed decision about going in the first place. While there is nothing to stop partners from starting the workbook before expatriation, it would have been helpful if the authors had made this more explicit in the book. Giving guidance to the potential expatriate as well as the established would give the book more flexibility and give a wider audience access to these helpful ideas and concepts.

These quibbles aside, the strength of this workbook lies in its positive attitude towards expatriation and the opportunities it presents to accompanying partners. Perhaps its greatest strengths are the authors' humility, honesty, and trust in all women's ability to thrive while abroad. The authors willingly draw back their personal curtains to let us see the frequently painful and often humiliating experiences that shaped their own expatriate experiences. This honesty encourages the reader to confess their own experiences, thoughts and emotions, if only to herself. It also reaffirms their message that while the transitional experience is not easy, it is a necessary process through which each partner must move before she can find a more powerful and joyful place.

Unlike so many comparable books that suggest that the important issues are only external, be they cultural or logistic, A Portable Identity goes to the heart of the dilemma women face once abroad. By working through Bryson and Hoge's book, the partner will emerge with an energized new identity, one has sloughed off the victim status that weigh many partners down, and that celebrates the opportunities international and intercultural living present.

Footsteps Around The World

By Beverly D. Roman 2006 BR Anchor Publisher

A one-of-a-kind book that covers everything teens need- from pre-departure planning to how to adjust smoothly to a new location.

The many tips include money management, interviews, part-time jobs, talking to parents/teachers and repatriation.

For further information go to www.branchor.com or contact the editor at aroman@branchor.com

Home Away From Home; Turning Your International Relocation Into a Lifetime Enhancement

By Beverly D. Roman 2001 (revised) BR Anchor Publisher

This book is for employees and their families who are about to move abroad. The personal andprofessional advice in the book mirrors topics in Roman's Relocation 101 but with an international focus.

This book includes added advice for families moving abroad with infants. It offers 60+ internet sites, valuable relocation checklists and a military-specific section

For further information go to www.branchor.com or contact the editor at aroman@branchor.com

My Family Is Moving: A Creative Visualization Activity Book for Children

By Beverly D. Roman 2007 BR Anchor Publisher

This book for children 5-8 is designed to take the fear out of moving, while encouraging children to think positively and enjoy their new home.

It includes a fun moving day countdown calendar, stickers and colorful packing labels for children to mark their special belongings.

For further information go to www.branchor.com or contact the editor at aroman@branchor.com

Relocation 101: Making the Most of Your Move

By Beverly D. Roman 2007 BR Anchor Publisher

This book includes personal and professional advice for today's most critical relocation challenges. Topics include: career options for relocating spouses; educational resources; home slaes/purchases; medical and elder care and insurance. More than 60 Internet websites, valuable relocation checklists and military-specific sections

For further information go to www.branchor.com or contact the editor at aroman@branchor.com

REALITIES OF FOREIGN SERVICE LIFE (2nd Ed)

By Patricia Linderman and Melissa Brayer Hess (Eds)
Writers Club Press, Lincoln, NE. 2002
Reviewed by Valerie Scane

The accompanying partner has long been an integral part of any expatriate assignment, but it is only in the last twenty or so years that spotlight has turned on her ,-- and, increasingly, him. Innumerable surveys and studies have documented the enormous direct impact the spouse has on the success or failure of an assignment. HR professionals continue to scratch their head about how to solve the dual career conundrum. Dozens of relocation companies have latched on to the dilemmas the accompanying partners pose to offer solutions ranging from cross-cultural training to career counselling in the new country. What is so often missing in the debate, however, is the voices of the spouses themselves.

The absence of spousal voices has done a grave disservice to all the women and men who accompany expatriates. While there are many , "how to," books detailing the optimal methods of dealing with everything from moving pets to dealing with culture shock, there are far too few , "what is it like?," books. Both of these books go a long way to remedy this shortfall by offering real stories of the challenges and joys of international living, albeit from the sole perspective of the American Foreign Service.

In The Accidental Diplomat, Hughes, herself the daughter of an American diplomat, interviewed the wives of several American Foreign Service officers on a range of issues including personal aspirations, marriages, their experiences at various foreign posts, and their role as a Foreign Service spouse. The most interesting aspect of her research is the generational spread in her respondents. The spouses she interviewed ranged in age from 27 to 73 years of age, and she divides the respondents into two groups: those representing the ,"older generation," and those of the , "younger generation.,"

Hughes does a good job charting the changes in spousal roles and aspirations throughout the twentieth century. She notes that, historically, wives (and since female officers had to resign on marriage, the only spouses were women) were seen as partners of the officer, and that, in fact, the Foreign Service benefited from a , "two-for-the-price-of-one," policy. Until 1972, Foreign Service wives were evaluated alongside their husbands in the diplomatic efficiency reports, reflecting their ,-- unpaid ,-- role as social hostess, community-builder, charity organizer, and all-round emotional prop for the husband, the children and the embassy community at large. After 1972, when wives were technically emancipated in light of the women's movement, no wife was required to offer any support to the Services' work while at post. As Hughes makes clear, despite the official emancipation, the pressure to conform to expectations still exists, and many spouses still feel trapped in their unpaid roles.

Hughes notes that traditional wives, or those of the ,"older generation," in her study (average age of 58), took the traditional pre-1972 wife's role seriously. They generally felt that they led a useful life, often exciting, frequently challenging, but one that fit with their mental picture of how a wife should act and be. They became ,"professional," Foreign Service wives, for the most part happy to fulfill their duties and serve their country.

The "younger generation", however, struggles with their role to a far greater extent. Products of the women's movement and greater access to higher education, these women often had to sacrifice their own careers and identities to follow their husbands. The results in many cases were anger, bitterness and anguish. In excepts from her interviews, Hughes allows the women to voice their resentment about their loss of independence, their status as "appendages," the duties that are still expected of them for which they are not remunerated, and isolation, boredom and misery they experienced trying to fit in and establish a new life.

While Hughes delineates the changes in Foreign Service spouses' perceptions of their role over time, Linderman and Hess look more broadly at the challenges that face partners. Their series of short essays by a number of spouses covers issues as varied as packing to parenting, homesickness to repatriation, as well as the usually-taboo topics of divorce, depression and gay partnerships. The overall tone is one of stress verging on despair as the various authors try to find a balance in their accounts, but often cannot help voicing their unhappiness. Like the spouses in Hughes' account, most struggle with issues of identity, career, loneliness, homesickness, and the challenges inherent in living in another country and culture.

What emerges from these two books is the clear message that spouses need to understand clearly the challenges they will face if they agree to an expatriate life as the accompanying partner, and both books paint a rather bleak picture of the reality of Foreign Service life. While Linderman and Hess offer some strategies for the accompanying partner who wishes to work, the sad reality is that over 80 percent probably will not be able to find fulfilling or at least well-paid work. Hughes tackles the interesting question of spousal compensation, but, like many of her respondents, concedes that both the sponsoring organization's will and ability to pay, combined with the spouses own uncertainty probably means that it will not happen. In the meantime, it is clear that Foreign Service spouses continue to suffer.

While both books are particularly aimed at readers in the American Foreign Service, the experiences are not unique to that realm. While Accidental Diplomat occasionally reads too much like a dissertation, and the writing quality in a few of the essays in The Realities of Foreign Service Life is uneven, we would recommend both books to any prospective expatriate partner. Moreover, we can only hope that International Human Resources managers from any field will pick up these books so that they too can understand the challenges expatriate families face. It is about time partners' voices are heard and expatriating organizations start listening.

MOVEABLE MARRIAGE

Robin Pascoe
Reviewed by: Yvonne Colin-Jonesa

According to research the key to marital longevity is endurance. In her newest book, A Moveable Marriage, Robin Pascoe says, "I decided to write this book about moveable marriage to encourage that stubborn streak, to make couples aware of their unique challenges, and to point them towards ways of getting over the marriage hurdles often set higher by relocation." Robin, in her very candid and no mincing words manner touches on the various aspects of marriage that mobility both enhances and challenges.

Her book covers the role of the company: how companies help and mostly don?t help in corporate relocation, the isolation and dependence the accompanying spouse feels in the initial stages of relocation, and dual career challenges. She takes the subjects of money, sex and intimacy by the horns. She also address parenting and the uncomfortable subjects of divorce and post nuptial agreements, which should be signed before leaving for you international assignment.

All married couples face these challenges simply by choosing to be married. But against the backdrop of relocation the stakes are higher and the course rougher. The point that really struck home with me is that we are often so overwhelmed with the logistics of moving that the only thing not packed in bubble wrap and marked FRAGILE is our marriage, the most precious belonging that we have.

The book is peppered with recollections of her own experiences and those of others and useful insights they have gained from their own moveable marriages. There is also an aura of comfort as you read the book because if you are one of the players in the field of moveable marriage you will recognize the pains, aches, and euphoria of the game. In fact, a friend of mine who has just attended Robin?s talk on the subject said that she felt validated in her assessment and reactions over the years.

Many say that experience is the best teacher. However, if we do not take the time to examine and reflect on that experience, the learning and insights pass us by. For those of us who have lived/live in a moveable marriage, this book provides a source of validation as well a time to reflect and reassess the hurdles we jump and have yet to jump. For those of us who are embarking on our first international assignment, read and discuss it before you leave as forewarned is forearmed.

"I think strong marriages won't suffer, weak marriages won?t last, and 'normal marriages' can go in either direction", wrote Jane, a thirty-eight year old mother of two boys who has relocated three times. She goes on to say, "Marriages that do stand get very strong, in my opinion".

Help is definitely at hand in this book that looks at marriage in the context of relocation. To start the ball rolling, Robin recommends that both partners have a stake in the relocation, and you need to approach the move that way. Negotiate the tasks, think as a team, stay connected by having end-of-the-day conversations, and above all, let your partner know what you need.

This book is available at www.expatexpert.com