Mum and Dad are disappointed; I’m not making the grade

I’ve been sent to Melbourne Uni and the bills have all been paid.

But my work ethic is poor and I’m barely scraping by,

“It’s my tutors, they’re all dicks” to my poor parents I lie.

My friends all seem to manage; it’s no problem at all

to go out every evening, and still get H1’s overall.

I close my door to study… get cosy with my work

but I wind up on you tube, watching Miley twerk.                          (youtube it!)

I’ll sit down with the intention, of crossing “to do’s” off

but before I’ve even started I’m pre-drinking for Toff.                   (local club)

“You’re wasting your degree” my parents mournfully scorn

"We've been dishing out the cash since the day you were born."

Their pocket’s rather empty, after Melbourne Uni fee’s

and that’s not even including Dear Old Col, Trinity.

“Look, at least I’m at Uni, I could be doing worse,

there are countless alternatives” is how I begin my verse

“I might sleep in all my lectures; I might doodle in my tutes

but at least I’m not on stage in latex knee high boots”

“There are poles I could be dancing on, oh the outfits I could wear

Did you know they make nipple tassels out of real horse hair?”

“I could be doing heroin, I’d make buckets dealing weed,

but no, I scroll through facebook, checking my news feed

so be thankful for my H3’s and P’s and 64’s

because I could be on the curb, pimpin out my whores,

still think you’re wasting money, I guess I could drop out”

“No sweet-heart, we support you!” they both hastily shout

“Oh darling, keep it up, we couldn’t be more proud

of your average grades and mediocrity, we both are truly wowed”.

And that’s how to get your parents, to fund your degree

Manipulation, that’s what I’ve learnt, at University.

Alice Coates 20

Theoretically British and Irish - would like to be Canadian!

Countries lived in ... The Netherlands, Bolivia, Chile, China, Singapore, Canada, Spain and Australia...

Adaptable - Artistic - Game

This is one in a series of excerpts from the soon-to-be published The Worlds Within TCK Anthology.  A portion of the book’s profits will be donated to the FIGT David C Pollock Scholarship Fund.