With all the career information available on the web it can be overwhelming to decide on what you should be doing to keep your career alive and on track.  I think it can be even more difficult for those of us who live a mobile lifestyle and whose careers are often at the mercy of someone else (did someone say posting order or PCS?!).

Here are five things you can start working on right now to help your career whether you’re currently employed, looking at getting back in the workforce, preparing for another move to a new location or just looking ahead.

1. Rethink your definition of career

Many of you may still view a career as climbing the ladder in your chosen profession in a uniform, linear fashion and therefore may end up feeling like you failed if your career has been anything but this. It’s time to rethink career.  To quote one definition, career is

“a lifestyle concept that involves the sequence of work, learning and leisure activities in which one engages throughout a lifetime.  Careers are unique to each person and dynamic… Careers include how persons balance their paid and unpaid work and personal life roles”  (Canadian Standards and Guidelines for Career Development Practitioners).

In addition it is becoming less and less common for individuals to stay with the one employer.  The “job for life” concept is fast diminishing in our new knowledge economy.  So the gap between those of us who frequently move between jobs and in and out of employment as we relocate are becoming less marginalized and in addition have developed strong skills over the years which employers of today are actively seeking.

You can take the pressure off yourself  by realizing that “career” isn’t the narrow concept we once viewed it as and that your career success doesn’t hinge on a single career decision made early in life.

Start thinking about your career in broader terms than your paid employment history and be proud of your achievements in the various aspects of your career life.  Once you understand what you’ve achieved in your career life you’ll do a much better job of convincing a potential employer.

2. Have the basis of your resume on hand 

I say “basis” of your resume here because I am a firm believer that your resume (and cover letter) should be tailored to fit each job your apply for.  However, you should have a good catalogue of your skills, qualifications, experience and achievements at the ready so that you can write that tailored resume when opportunity arises.

Spend time thinking about your career life (see above) and start cataloguing your history.  Start with the basics like titles and dates but then really think about what you did in each of your roles and highlight the achievements.  Quantify achievements where you can.  Don’t limit yourself to just paid employment.

Even if you are not actively job searching this is still something worth doing.  You never know when an opportunity will arise (see 4 below).  It also keeps you thinking about your career life even during periods out of the paid workforce or when you have a job you are satisfied with.  This can be useful for understanding where you’ve been and where you are which in turn can help you stay focused on which direction you want to move in i.e it’s part of your career story.

3. Cultivate your network

I’ve discussed networking in a previous post but I want to reiterate here just how important networking is to your career.  When the “hidden” job market is purported to be around 80% of the entire job market  you need to be able to tap into opportunities via people you know (especially when you’re moving to a new area or moving back after a long absence). When you come across a job opportunity it can really help to know someone within the company ie. bridge people as Richard Bolles calls them. Networking is also a great means of professional development.

Networking is a two-way street.  One of the best ways to expand your network and get the most out of it is to help others out.  Share information, volunteer your time and skills to help out on a project etc.  Be proactive!

Importantly cultivate your network.  It’s not enough just to meet people.  You need to stay in touch, pass on information that you think may be relevant to them, send thank you notes, retweet their tweets, join in discussions in LinkedIn group etc.  Stay organized by having a plan.

4. Be open to and prepared for new opportunities

Mobile individuals are nothing if not flexible and I’m sure that most ‘accompanying partners’ have done at least one job they didn’t envision doing.  Moving around your country or around the world exposes you to so many new opportunities including career opportunities.  Your new location may not have the opportunity for you to pursue your chosen career path and this can be  frustrating.  However, this doesn’t mean your career has to come to a grinding half.  Be on the lookout for new opportunities or go out and seek them.   Maybe it’s the opportunity to work remotely when you tell your boss you’re moving but would like to continue working for the company, maybe it’s a volunteer opportunity in a field you have an interest in, or the chance to do something completely different in a location more willing to hire employees without a lot of experience, or the opportunity to start your own business.

None of us can predict what the future holds.  As one career theorist says “unplanned events are a normal and necessary component of every career” (Krumboltz, 2009).  The key to managing unplanned events according to Krumboltz is to:

“1. Before the unplanned event you take actions that position you to experience it

2. During the event you remain alert and sensitive to recognize potential opportunities

3. After the even you initiate actions that enable you to benefit from it.”

Ref:  Krumboltz, John (2009).  The Happenstance Learning Theory.  Journal of Career Assessment  17(2) pp 135-154.

Be prepared for new opportunities and when one comes up give it some serious consideration.  Even if you are working keep an eye out for new opportunities that may arise.  Sometimes some of the best things that happen to us are the ones we don’t see coming.

5. Think ahead and in context

Ok, I acknowledge that thinking ahead when you don’t know what is happening next month let alone next year or five years from now is difficult.  That’s just one part of what makes career management as a mobile individual different from mainstream.  That doesn’t mean you can’t set some short term and long term goals or at least a broad direction you want to move in (whilst still remaining open to new opportunities and unplanned events).

We all know the many influences on our careers such as our skills and interests, a spouse’s job, family commitments, financial situation, geographical location, political climate etc.  All of these  influence our careers at some point and their influence will differ at different points in our career life.  Recognizing the influences on our career is an important part of managing it.  We need to incorporate all these influences into our career plan.

Whether you are in a job you enjoy, out of paid employment by choice or circumstance or looking for a new job actively thinking about your career in the context of your lifestyle is one way to be proactive in managing it.

It may help to speak to a career counselor or coach to help you clarify your career goals and how to move forward in the context of your personal situation.  When seeking a career development practitioner be sure to find someone who is qualified.  Organizations such as the Career Development Association of Australia and the National Career Development Association in the U.S are good starting points.

Contributed by Amanda McCue, who has spent 20 years frequently moving, both around Australia and between Australia and the USA, as an accompanying spouse to her Australian military husband. Amanda is passionate about empowering individuals (especially military spouses and other accompanying partners) to make satisfying career decisions that are compatible with other important aspects of their lives and she will shortly complete her post-graduate qualifications as a Career Development Practitioner. She blogs at www.careerswag.com

 

As part of adapting and adjusting, most expats find some combination of home and new; strange and different alongside the familiar and comforting. Jonelle muses on the most fundamental of our traditions—food—and what the quest for home foods was like for expats living in a country with few options.

By Jonelle Hilleary

This week as we have been discussing repatriation anxiety, expatriation transitions and what it takes to feel “at home,” I was talking with a friend from the old Exxon team about how we used to have to travel to remote assignments.

Living in post-collapse Soviet Union

To give you a little background, it was right after the collapse of the former Soviet Union and all the supply lines were in complete disarray. There weren’t many stores to begin with and the few they did have were of the Soviet Kollektiv variety — meaning lots of shelf space with not much on them.

One sold cheese and shoes, another sold meat and sometimes nylon pantyhose… Whatever you could get, you could sell.

The early teams used to stay downtown at the old soviet Intourist Hotel—which we had been told, had been sold off a floor at a time, so your room amenities and accommodations might vary from floor to floor, though most every floor had the same indoor-outdoor carpet in one of three colors: grey with black zig-zag stripes, kelly-green with black bars, or royal blue with black and white ziz-zags.

Each floor also had a key lady at a table near each elevator to collect and re-issue your keys each day. (No leaving the hotel with your key—your room was openable by any and all personnel at anytime.)

Oil companies and other service companies sent teams over for a few weeks at a time initially until office spaces were leased and a staff could be hired.

The survival pack

In order to “survive” we also had a fixed pack that someone always carried: 2 currency converters (step-down voltage converters for Intl-to-US electricity); small hotpots to boil water for instant soups or coffee; packets of sugar/sweeteners, salt, pepper, powdered creamer, freeze-dried entrees like “Beef Stew” that could be reconstituted by pouring boiling water over the contents in the pouch.

Beyond this, the team was at the mercy of the Old Intourist Hotel dining room and it’s neon pink “bologna” type sausage that passed for breakfast meat, scrawny chicken that was virtually inedible, and pelmeni (Russian dumplings) for dinner.

A situation common among expats is being homesick for home food. It isn’t always easy to get to a restaurant and decipher a menu in a foreign language. After a hard day of work, not all expats want the hassle with the language and culture barriers that present themselves at every turn.

Sometimes you just want to go home and relax, even if you have to go hungry to do it.

Bringing over food from home

One trip home, our country manager jokingly asked if the next time we sent supplies, we could just skip the “packing peanuts” (the little styrofoam pellets), and substitute bags of popcorn instead.

It turned out to be a pretty good idea! So each week I started going out to the supermarket and buying huge bags of popcorn, ramen noodles, tortillas, Pringles canned chips (crisps), dried soup—anything light and non-breakable or crushable (like chips would have been), along with toilet paper and paper towels, magazines.

This went on for several weeks, buying $300-$400 of supplies at a time, rushing out to the freight forwarder, dumping the popcorn and other goodies around our copier toner packages and water, soda and juice powders, and seeing it off on the late flight to Baku.

Finally, one evening I was checking out with a cashier who had seen me come in several weeks in a row. Leilani stopped mid-stream and said in her most charming southern accent, “Honey, you do know you don’t have any real food in here, don’t you?”

I laughed and, without thinking, replied that it wasn’t for my family, I was sending it to the former Soviet Union.

Leliani looked very perplexed and asked, “Well, they-all hafta eat too, don’t they?”

Once I got Leilani straightened out about what we were doing she became my biggest helper, suggesting new products that we might try out on the team overseas. (Everybody loved the new soft-cookies that we tried the next week!)

The early food entrepreneurs

Everybody could see the need, and a few took it upon themselves to jump in with solutions.

One of our early entrepreneurs came up from Kuwait City and scouted out the needs and later returned with a 40″ ocean freight container box stacked floor to ceiling with file cabinets, some office chairs, copy paper, toilet paper, paper towels, and bottles of water. All the comforts of home…for the office. Dave and Sheila opened up the container and started selling to anyone who needed office supplies.

From there they opened an expat-style restaurant complete with such American favorites as chicken-fried steak, shrimp gumbo, little personal-sized pizza, hamburgers and sweet iced tea.

We could get salads that were washed and safe, soups that tasted like home (somebody’s home) and conversation in English along with American football games like the Super Bowl on Armed Forces network television.

In short, they filled the void we needed to be filled.

Enjoying the new and the familiar

There is a fine line between hiding in an expat bubble, and using bits and pieces of home to bridge the culture shock divide.

I’ve written before about expat couples where the spouse couldn’t make the adjustment, some who made interesting arrangements, and others who thrived as families.

Choosing home-style foods isn’t the worst thing in the world to do, especially if it keeps our expats productive. But most expats, I think, recognize that on a permanent basis there will be a combination of home and new, strange and different alongside familiar and comforting.

When I was working long hours at three jobs during the Russian financial meltdown, I would stop on the street on the way from the university morning job, just before going into my office for the afternoon work, and get a doner—similar to what you may find as gyro in Greece, or shwarma across the Middle East in a slightly different bread or wrapping.

When I finally had a free night, I loved to go to the Sahil (seaside) restaurant for the hummus, cool and creamy tzatziki, and salty taramosalata to eat with breads, cheeses and vegetables like carrots and radishes. A perfect meal for me.

Having fish, usually a variety of sturgeon with pomegranate sauce (narsharab) was another favorite for dinner out with friends.

But, I’ll admit, when I was tired, many times I went home to my flat, dialed the Wharf and they delivered a little personal sized pepperoni-like pizza that was quite tasty when I was too tired to go out or cook.

What it takes to feel at home

As for the question of what does it take to make expats feel at home in our foreign postings, I can say from my experience that there were times it was easy to go too far, to get lazy about being out with people with whom I would have to speak in Russian or Azerbaijan all night—sometimes it taxed my brain too much and I would find myself making silly mistakes in conversation.

But, with my third job running from about 10pm to 2am, there were also legitimately times when I really needed a night of English-language movies and pizza. Or to find an imported CD of familiar old music. Just to enjoy by myself. (I could get away with that luxury since I was alone—no spouse or kids).

My rule of thumb was to try to be local all week, and then give myself a weekend night to recover, vegetate, relax without guilt. 

I am glad there were international stores. I liked seeing what other countries found useful and, more importantly, I don’t think I would have been efficient living on the local economy, buying meat off the street or at the bazaar every week, doing all the made-from-scratch effort that local women were used to.

Now that I’m back in the United States, however, there are many times in a month, I would give anything to have more fish and narsharab, or to be able to sit on that rooftop deck having a simple meal of bread and tzatziki and choban salat with lemon.

I’m glad we have choices…it makes life interesting, no matter where we are.

I hope, though, that people who don’t have many local choices at least have someone like Leilani to help families send fun things to add home spice to their days.

Jonelle Hilleary writes about My Life Lessons on her website What the World Taught Me.

Fellow expat-turned-repat Judy talked recently about being an expat who has gone soft. She discussed the stark differences between being an uber prepared, ready for anything individual while living overseas with the complete opposite once she found herself back home.

I wonder the same thing about myself when it comes to making friends.

Last night my daughter asked me “how many friends is the right number to have?”

When I asked her what she meant by it, she went on to explain that she only (ONLY!) has 17 friends at school and she whined “they are all in the same class as me, I need friends from OTHER classes too.”

She then asked me … as she often does … how many friends I have.

What a hard question to answer.

Does she mean the friends who know almost everything there is to know about me because they’ve been with me for the long haul and still love me?

She may be talking about those I bonded so strongly with before we left for India.

Or does she mean those who I Skype with, WhatsApp with and Voxer with?

Or maybe her definition entails the women who are in my same zip code, who I could easily pick up and have lunch with, or who I see during the week because of our children’s mutual activities.

Ah, maybe she means the women who live within a short flight away, those that I only see once a year but yet it seems as though no time has passed?

I know – in my heart – that the combination of all of the amazing women that fall into those different categories make up a pretty major powerhouse of strength and moxie as they are all pretty empowered women with great qualities and traits.

But I’ve apparently lost my mojo. I haven’t quite retained the same gutsy persona when it comes to making friends that find themselves under the same chunk of sky as mine. Like Judy and her emergency candle stash, I’ve gone a bit soft. I’ve become too accustomed to relying on Facebook for my friendship fix, my Trello for my emotional support, Twitter for my thoughts/tidbits and my phone gets used in place of physical conversations.

Daryn Kagan (who I totally love) recently shared about her boobs (yes, it is related to this post, I promise). Read that, and then come back over here.

(If you didn’t really click over, you need to. I’ll give you a second chance)

When I read her piece, I realized that I need to quit worrying myself up over my small pool of friends who know what I wore today (and not because of a selfie). I am going to discontinue the stress about “everyone living so far away” and whining about not having opportunities to meet like-minded chicks here.

The truth is, I have AMAZING women in my corner and I know that – without a shadow of a doubt – whenever I need them, they will show up for whatever the job may be.

Boobs, tats, sushi, pedicures, weekends away or just a listening ear. My tribe is as diverse as the snowflakes in December, as beautiful as the colors at an Indian spice market and as wise as the best panel of speakers “on life” one could ever ask for.

I haven’t lost my mojo, I’ve just forgotten to keep turning around – full circle – to see everyone.

Contributed by Naomi Hattaway. After living in several states in the United States, Naomi and her family moved overseas to Delhi, India and then Singapore. Now back in the United States and living in Loudoun County, Virginia, she enjoys making an impact -- even if only with a small corner of her world -- for the better. She is the founder of 8th & Home [http://8thandhome.com], a boutique real estate and relocation company and also blogs about relocation, life with itchy feet and living your best life at www.naomihattaway.com.

I have read many, many posts and group comments on Facebook this week about re-entry to one’s passport country.  It is an emotional experience and it seems many people don’t realize that the emotions they are going through are experienced by so many in the same situation.  One group I am part of has had an enormous spike in membership following the Repatriation Blues article by Debra Bruno in the WSJ Expat blog. It’s a fantastic read.

Transitioning between places is different for everybody depending on their circumstances.  Here’s the link again to a talk I gave at the Families in Global Transition conference this year titled “Home is Where the Air Force Sends You” based on Nancy Schlossberg‘s transition theory which looks at the many factors which influence how we experience transition and begins to explain why different people experience it differently, or why the same person can experience transition differently at different times in life.

Over at The Culture Blend there are some great articles on relocating.  In the article “The Expat Exodus: 10 questions every repatriating expat should ask themselves” point number 2 about leaving well or leaving happy really hit home.  With a re-entry in the not too distant future I know I won’t be leaving happy but I am now trying to focus on leaving well. It can also be difficult for those expats left behind when others leave and The Culture Blend has an article about that as well.

There is also another aspect of being left behind as well, the idea of which was triggered when I heard Chris O’Shaughnessy talk at the FIGT 15 Conference last month.  Chris was talking about how a group of US Air Force personnel who had been posted to Chris’s town in the UK (and who Chris became close friends with) relied heavily on him for support as they tried to readjust to life back in the USA.  Chris’s point that his friends needed to forge their new life back “home” was extremely valid.  To quote Chris (as many others have done because he was so insightful) “Home must become less a passive retreat and more an active pursuit”.  Chris also warned of the dangers of relying too heavily on social media for human connection;  likening it to junk food in that it feels good short term but lacks nutrients for long term good (I told you he was insightful!).

When listening to Chris it occurred to me how those who are “left behind” at the post location can use social media (although it’s certainly not limited to the use of social media) to be a bridge for those who have left, between their lives at post and their new lives.  It’s not going to help the person who has left to continue to “live” virtually in their old life but neither are they yet settled in their new life.  Those of us who are left behind can be a bridge by gently encouraging them to move ahead in their new life while at the same time being a safe place for them to come back to when they need support, or to talk to someone who understands because so many of the new people they meet won’t.

Transition is a process, not an event (unfortunately I can’t remember the source of that little pearl of wisdom).  No one moves to a new location and instantly adjusts.  You may be physically in location but your heart and mind sometimes have difficulty keeping up.  Having a connection to those who you have left behind is an important part of transitioning.  Just as important however is moving forward.  If you don’t want to leap and would prefer to gently make the transition find yourself a bridge.  And if you’re not the one leaving try and be that bridge for someone who is.

If you have recently repatriated you might like to read this article here by Rocky Reentry.  I found this to be a heartfelt note to those who have recently returned to their passport country.

Contributed by Amanda McCue, who has spent 20 years frequently moving, both around Australia and between Australia and the USA as an accompanying spouse to her Australian military husband. Amanda is passionate about empowering individuals (especially military spouses and other accompanying partners) to make satisfying career decisions that are compatible with other important aspects of their lives and she will shortly complete her post-graduate qualifications as a Career Development Practitioner. She blogs at www.careerswag.com

Career opportunities take individuals and their families away from their home country. Their focus is on the new job and adjusting to life in another country. In most cases parents have encouraged their child to take advantage of the unique opportunity to work and live in a foreign land. Expats quickly learn that life in another country is exciting but also more complicated. They have a new life to build and challenges to handle, so less thought is given to their relatives back home. It isn’t that they don’t care; it is simply a matter of human nature that if someone or something is absent, it is overlooked.

Today most pensioners are leading active lives so we don’t have to worry about them. However, a relative’s health status can change suddenly and dramatically. When we live on the other side of the world we feel helpless. Caring for your loved ones from a distance is a multi-faceted issue and there isn’t one right answer.  Expats dealing with a frail or ill loved one from a distance commented that they were managing, although each described unexpected challenges, frustrations and a desire to have known more in advance. The families are juggling multiple issues including guilt, resentment by other family members, time differences, added costs, cultural traditions, legal issues, and misunderstandings.

Here are five suggestions to consider:

Being prepared, having information, making a plan and opening dialog with their relatives will mean less scrambling when their loved ones need assistance. Being prepared for the ‘what if’ related to our aging relatives can give us peace of mind.

Contributed by Elizabeth Vennekens-Kelly, an intercultural trainer, consultant and author. Elizabeth helps individuals to be prepared for their expat assignments and she encourages assignees to exam all aspects of expat life so they have realistic expectations. Elizabeth combines her familiarity of expat living and intercultural knowledge to help people to develop the knowledge and skills to be successful in multicultural situations. She is a member of various organizations: VOKA, VIW, FAWCO, SIETAR and FIGT.

THis article was originally published on Expat Nest in January 2015: http://www.expatnest.com/caring-ageing-loved-ones-distance/

I'm still basking in the afterglow of the Families in Global Transitionconference held in the Washington, DC area last week. The theme of "Finding 'Home' Amidst Global Change" was clearly evident from start to finish. Every single moment and event of the conference was like a homecoming - warm, embracing, inspiring, moving, and insightful. As FIGT President Killian Kröll so eloquently and accurately stated in his opening remarks, "We will be challenged to think about 'home' in terms of ethnic identity, literary perspectives, business practices, intergenerational communication, non-Western approaches to building community, volunteer organizations, and the ritual act of saying goodbye and hello."

What always impresses me about FIGT every year is the incredible assembly of talented people gathered together from around the world. In many ways the conference is a "Who's Who" and "Hall of Fame" of cross-cultural change makers and thought leaders all rolled into one.

Teja Arboleda, president of Entertaining Diversity, Inc. which focuses on diversity and inclusion programming through entertainment, kicked off the conference with his fantastic autobiographical performance of "Ethnic Man!", which engaged and entertained the audience with his own story of multicultural diversity and search for identity. Though he had us in the palm of his hand, it was stunning to learn that he wanted to be with us as much as we were pleased to have him present. As he was performing, I was thinking of the many TCKs I work with who also have vastly multicultural backgrounds and how his story of cultural identity, moving, transitioning, trying to find a place where one can fit and belong is, in many ways, their story, too.

There were many published writers present, and the bookstore was perhaps the largest curated collection in one place of books about expat life, transitions, TCKs, cross-cultural anthologies and a few novels, counseling and more - most of which were authored by conference participants. It was especially exciting to see Eva Lazlo Herbert, co-editor of The Worlds Within: An anthology of TCK Art and Writing: Young, Global and Between Cultures, present to sign stacks of this recently published treasure. (The other editor, Jo Parfitt, was not able to attend this year.)

As the conference unfolded, each event seemed to outshine the previous one, and made me think, reflect, and re-examine what I thought I knew. As a few people noted, the sessions were a combination of content and heart; information and emotion. My biggest frustration was that I could not attend all the sessions offered! But those I did attend, remained with me for days afterward as I replayed them in my head.

In particular, the session by Chris O'Shaughnessy, "Changing Our Concept of Home to Find Hope", used stories and emotion to talk about creating a sense of home, belonging, and community wherever we go. I was inspired to get back into the game myself and work on creating that feeling of community again when I return to my own new adopted home. I know that I often get busy or distracted, and find a host of other reasons why I don't always do what I could be doing to build community and connections around me. His message was also relevant for the students I work with who are headed off to college or forging their way into the big wide world of work and young adulthood: "Don't just look for community - create it!"

The closing event was led by a psychologist and former international school counselor, Doug Ota, who has his own story of ethnic diversity and lifelong exploration of culture, belonging, and identity. His keynote, "Don't Leave Without Taking Your Vitamin 'G': Why Goodbyes are Good for You," was outstanding, leaving us all a bit stunned at the end by the emotional journey he had taken us on. His new book is Safe Passages, How Mobility Affects People and What International Schools Should Do About It, and I am already reading it with enthusiasm. I also bought multiple copies of the book to send to some friends of mine in the world of international schools as well as some therapists I know who work with teenage TCKs. His theories about attachment styles really resonated with me, and I was reminded of individual students by name who have struggled with the loss and grief that comes from having said too many goodbyes and not enough hellos.

In closing, Doug Ota said that this conference has to be the safest place in the world to explore these complex feelings of home, belonging, identity, our place in the world, our attachments, our losses, and our joys. He described telling his wife that he had to come back to this conference, for it was time for him to go "home" again to be with like-minded people.

And it was so true - this small, intimate gathering of about 150 people, inspired by Ruth Van Reken around her own kitchen table 18 years ago, is a homecoming. It's a place where you don't have to explain yourself, your background, or your differences - unless you want to. And since everyone in the room has a unique story to share, it's also the one place where everyone wants to hear it. 

Contributed by Rebecca (Becky) Grappo is a Member of FIGT and founder of RNG International Educational Consultants, LLC. You can contact her through her website at www.rnginternational.com.

 

An edited version of this article was originally published in Expatriates Magazine. See below for English language version.

Si ser padres ya es un desafío, más aún lo es ser padres expatriados. La vida cotidiana termina siendo mucho más compleja cuando uno es expat/migrante y esto le agrega complicaciones al difícil arte de ser padres. Cuando estamos fuera del país de origen solemos estar fuera de esa tranquila y segura zona de confort (que si bien es cierto que a veces no es tan cómoda igual es lo conocido y el lugar donde sabemos cómo funcionan las cosas). Cuando vivimos fuera de nuestro lugar de origen, pequeñas tareas se convierten en grandes empresas que pueden implicar muchísimo estrés y grandes desafíos. Cosas que parecerían ser muy simples terminan siendo similares a escalar el Everest (sin entrenamiento previo).

Si esto nos sucede a los adultos, tratemos de imaginar cómo es estar en los zapatos de nuestros hijos. Si ellos se mudaron con nosotros seguramente no tuvieron tanto tiempo como nosotros para procesar la decisión que hemos tomado. Por supuesto, no digo que los niños deberían decidir una mudanza internacional, pero sí necesitan tiempo para poder procesarla y adaptarse. Por esto es tan importante que, una vez que hayamos tomado la decisión, los padres comencemos a conversar con nuestros hijos acerca de la expatriación y los apoyemos durante el proceso de adaptación. Esto se puede realizar mostrándoles fotos del lugar, navegando juntos por internet para buscar información sobre el nuevo destino o, según la edad, incluirlos en la evaluación de las opciones educativas. También, aunque sea un poco incómodo, abrir la conversación acerca de qué cuestiones los están preocupando y qué dudas o temores tienen con el cambio que se avecina.

Quizás les preocupe cómo hacer nuevos amigos, o qué sucederá con las relaciones de amistad que tienen ahora. Tal vez les preocupe el idioma. Y, si bien queremos tranquilizarlos, no alcanza con decirles "No hay problema. Va a estar todo bien" y terminar la conversación. La mayoría de los niños guardan para sí mismos sus sentimientos y emociones porque nos ven a los padres lidiando con tantas cosas, con tanto stress y situaciones difíciles (que no faltan en las mudanzas internacionales) que no quieren hacer las cosas más complicadas para nosotros.

Entonces los padres necesitamos encontrar la manera de crear -en medio de tanta corrida- un tiempo compartido para conversar con nuestros hijos acerca de lo que están sintiendo.

Cuando aterrizamos en un nuevo destino es inevitable hacer comparaciones. La mayoría de las personas tendemos a buscar semejanzas y diferencias. Este mecanismo nos ayuda a familiarizarnos con un entorno desconocido. Tiene que ver con la necesidad humana de nombrar las cosas que son desconocidas e inciertas, de conocer las cosas para sentirlas bajo control. Volviendo a nuestros hijos, ellos necesitan que los ayudemos a nombrar sus sentimientos, especialmente si están enfrentando situaciones nuevas. Necesitan de los adultos para que los ayudemos a entender y nombrar lo que les está sucediendo. Más aún, sería muy tranquilizador para ellos saber que nosotros, sus padres, hemos atravesado situaciones similares y hemos "sobrevivido". No solo porque esto les provee de estrategias para afrontar la realidad que les toca vivir sino porque también es una forma de enseñarles que, si bien la vida no siempre es perfecta, sus héroes (sus padres) han encontrado maneras de manejarlo y resolverlo.

If parenting is a challenge, being an expat parent is even more. Life as an expat is way more complex and adds complications to the difficult art of parenthood. As expats we are away from our safe and comfort zone (even though it may not be so comfortable, it still is what we know and the place where we know how things work) and tiny everyday tasks might become a stressful and huge challenge. If this happens to us, adults, let´s try to be in our children´s feet. If they were relocated with us (as a difference on born on relocation) most probably they did not have as much time as we did to process our decision. Of course, children should not make this decision but still they should have time to adjust to it. It is very important that parents start to talk with their children about the relocation once the decision has been made, and support their children´s adaptation process, allowing them to see pictures, navigate on the internet to look for information on the new destiny, consider school options and also cover the topic on which things are worrying them.

They might be worried about making new friends, about their current relationships, about the language, and even though we do not want them to worry it is not enough to say “everything will be ok” and finish the conversation. Most children will keep their feelings to themselves because they see their parents dealing with a lot of stress, managing difficult situations and they will try not to make the situation more complicated for us (except teenagers, of course). It is crucial that parents share time with them to talk about their feelings. We all need to “name” things that are unknown, uncertain. When we arrive to a new location it is impossible not to compare and most people tend to see similarities and differences. This process is working in order to make familiar the unfamiliar scenario. This is related to the human need of knowing, naming in order to feel in control. Going back to parenting, our children need us to help them name their feelings, especially when dealing with new situations, things they have not experienced before. Therefore, they need adults to help them understand what they are feeling. Even more, it will be very calming for them, to know that we have experienced those feelings before (maybe not as an expat but surely you have experienced fear of the unknown or uncertain, loneliness, etc in your life as a child). For them to know that their parents went through similar things and “survived” is relieving.  Not only because it gives them the coping strategies but also because it shows them that life isn´t always perfect but their heroes (parents) managed to survive.

Contributed by Paula Vexlir, a Clinical Psychologist specialized in working with the Spanish-speaking expat community. Since 2002 she has been providing counseling for migrants and expats. By offering an online service she can support Spanish-speaking expats worldwide. She blogs at ExpatPsi.

 

Kilian Kröll

March 6, 2015

Good evening, and welcome everyone to the 2015 Families In Global Transitions conference!

My name is Kilian Kröll, I am the Board President of FIGT, and it is my distinct honor to open a conference that won’t leave you unchanged. In our midst, we have distinguished speakers, high-impact sponsors, extraordinarily committed volunteers, and most of all people who have dedicated their lives to supporting those who move around the world a lot. I’m talking about parents, teachers, counselors, HR executives, entrepreneurs, artists, researchers and adventurers – in other words, everyone in this room tonight. Welcome.

You know, a hotel is a perfect setting for talking about global transitions: from the staff to the guests, most everyone here has experienced moving across borders, dealing with culture shock, adapting to unfamiliar customs, being the stranger and welcoming strangers. In this cross-cultural microcosm, in this interstitial space, we get to ask, "Where is home?"

It is not by coincidence that we're returning to the mother of all loaded questions for global nomads. The theme of finding home was originally inspired by an op Ed in the New York Times, which Julia Simens showed me right after last year's conference. In this article, the author talks about how he as someone born in South Africa, educated in the UK and living in New York sometimes feels what he calls “displacement anguish.” There was something about this notion of Finding Home that struck us as newly relevant -- that because technology, travel and intercultural awareness have made trying to be "at home everywhere" normal for humans around the world, we might simultaneously be glossing over the basic human need of feeling rooted, safe, secure, and whole. 

Julia and I ran this article, and our thoughts about it, by Fanta Aw, last year's keynote speaker who dared us to voice issues we don't often acknowledge in our expat community: financial insecurity, social inequality, political strife, aging, divorce. Fanta reminded us that the current large-scale displacement of peoples, by natural, military or economic disasters, and massive-scale human migration, allows those of us who have dealt with questions of displacement on a personal scale to share our findings with practically all of humanity. We who have conducted research, counseled transnational families, and supported those sent of foreign work assignments now have the opportunity to help the world at large to Find "Home" Amidst these Global Changes. Helping those who've been uprooted to connect with their sense of purpose and belonging, wherever they may be, might just bring the planet to a new sense of equilibrium. This is the potential I see in bringing up this question -- What is home? -- again today. 

This weekend, in this hotel microcosm, we will engage with ideas from people whose approaches are as diverse as the places we've traveled from. We will experience performers, educators, entrepreneurs, researchers, humanitarians, business owners, trainers, counselors, artists, writers, parents and kids. We will be challenged to think about "home" in terms of ethnic identity, literary perspectives, business practices, intergenerational communication, non-Western approaches to building community, volunteer organizations, and the ritual act of saying goodbye and hello.

And most of all, we will experience new feelings of being at home in all the interactions we will have with each other over the course of the weekend. I encourage you to let yourself be transformed this weekend, both professionally and personally, by what you learn and whom you meet, by ideas that resonate as well as disagreements... One thing I know for sure about FIGT is that my personal highlights have always been unplanned and unexpected. 

One of this year's programmed highlights, however, is our opening keynote, Mr. Teja Arboleda. And to introduce him, I would like to welcome onto the stage a woman who really gets the connection between personal transitions and global business. Ghadeer Hasan is not only the FIGT Sponsorship Chair, but also the Vice President of Relocation Services at CORT Business Services, a Berkshire Hathaway Company. CORT is a proud Gold Sponsor of FIGT, and here to represent CORT, please welcome Ghadeer Hasan.

We continue our conversation with the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residents from 2014, to find out how that experience has impacted them over the past year. (Read part 1 of this article here)

These are the team who wrote the recently published FIGT “Yearbook” Insights and Interviews From the 2014 Families in Global Transition Conference: The Global Family Redefined now available on Amazon.

Terry Ann Wilson

Notes on a Boarding Pass

• Tell us a little about your own expat/ TCK story and what led you to the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency?
  

I’ve been an expat for over twenty years, currently living in our eighth country, we’ve raised three children globally. It felt like a natural progression to have been part of FIGT. To be surrounded by people not only living this life, but also by those invested in the well being of expats, was extremely comforting yet also inspiring.  I first met Jo Parfitt while attending her Memoir Writing Retreat in Tuscany. That experience gave me the confidence to finally move forward as a writer.  I was encouraged to apply for the Residency which I was unable to do, yet was thankful when Jo offered a spot to me on the writing team nonetheless.  The eight writers quickly became an inspired team under the guidance of Jo.

• How was your experience at FIGT14? What were your favorite takeaways and outcomes from the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency and FIGT14?

It was gratifying writing with the team of writers not only in terms of the interesting topics covered, but also being part of a like minded, motivated group. The conference itself was a revelation to me; the fact that so many professionals, educators and creative people are concerned with the well being of those of us that live globally.  After completing the articles for the Yearbook, it was with renewed confidence that I initiated my blog, notes on a boarding pass.  I realized that I had a voice and that my experiences were relevant in the global world that FIGT so positively supports.  I believe all of us involved in the Parfitt Pascoe Residency and Writing Team appreciate the skills, experience and inclusiveness of being part of a new writing family. 

• What have you been up to since FIGT14? What is the best thing that happened to you as a writer since FIGT as a result of your attendance?

I’ve focused on my blog and as we have relocated once again.  I continue to embrace new experiences and grow as a writer.  As I currently live in Kazakhstan, I endeavor to inspire and have offered a writing workshop within this small community. We’ve been shown, from people like Jo and those involved with FIGT, how vital it is to be supportive in expat communities.  I’m also a cross cultural trainer which I hope to write more about in the future as well.

 

Alice Wu

Culturalingua

• Tell us a little about your own expat/ TCK story and what led you to the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency?

My mother was a global nomad who traveled with her Chinese diplomat parents, and my grandmother also traveled a lot as a child with her diplomat uncles.  I grew up hearing stories about their experiences and also had the chance to live in some other countries as a child and young person (England, Finland, Sweden).  I made two videos about college age global nomads at Cornell in 1994 and 2001, and am currently working on a third video (which I’ll present clips of at the upcoming FIGT15 conference).  I was also the advisor for students who helped found the global nomads club at Cornell and frequently do programs about TCKs and global nomads there.

I was excited to get the FIGT e-mail about the ParfittPascoe Writing Residency scholarship, which sounded like a great opportunity! I was interested in applying for it because I have been a long time fan and avid supporter of FIGT starting from the early days of the conference, and I welcomed the chance to help spread the word about the organization and the amazing information that is generated there.  I have gained a lot from attending FIGT - both personally and professionally - and was interested in having a chance to help others similarly benefit from learning about it.  I also have several ideas for articles and welcomed having this valuable opportunity to learn more about writing and getting published.

• How was your experience at FIGT14? What were your favorite takeways and outcomes from the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency and FIGT14?

I really enjoyed FIGT14 last year - the chance to go to the innovative sessions and plenaries, meet new friends at the conference, and see friends from previous years.  I was also very glad to meet with Jo and get to know the other writing team members.  After the conference, I continued to communicate with Jo, Shelley and the writing team, and to get a lot of support and encouragement from them.  They offered help and cheered me on when I was trying to start my blog and they helped publicize my blogposts – by liking them and putting them on Twitter, Facebook and the Expat bookshop page.  I enjoyed reading their blogposts, and they helped me learn how to set up a blog, as well as how to put FB links, Twitter buttons, hyperlinks, tags and all kinds of other things on a blog.  I also enjoyed communicating with the FIGT speakers whom I wrote about for the yearbook, and I had very helpful editing suggestions from Jo and Shelley on my yearbook articles.

• What have you been up to since FIGT14? What is the best thing that happened to you as a writer since FIGT as a result of your attendance?

Thanks to Jo and Shelley, I have appreciated the chance to read some great books and write some book reviews for Global Living Magazine (GLM) over the last year.  I also enjoyed writing blog posts after the FIGT conference, including some about the conference.  I have done some writing about my own travel stories and I am starting to write about the global nomad students who participated in five videotaped discussions this year, as part of my new global nomads video.  They shared their amazing insights and experiences about their global backgrounds.

 

With the 2015 FIGT Conference just days away, we thought we’d check in with the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residents from 2014, to find out how that experience has impacted them over the past year.

These are the team who wrote the recently published FIGT “Yearbook” Insights and Interviews From the 2014 Families in Global Transition Conference: The Global Family Redefined now available on Amazon.

 

Cristina Bertarelli

Move2YourBestMove

• Tell us a little about your own expat/ TCK story and what led you to the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency? 

I am a first generation expat, living with an ATCK and raising two TCKs. I was totally unaware about the expat concept until I started living it and, honestly, it was not what I was dreaming about. I felt lost and disconnected until, as I use to say, I stop fighting with my expat life and start dancing instead”. This positive thinking unlock somehow the creative vein and it set aside the fear of not being capable and… I started a blog about feelings, thinking and envisioning the beauty of the expat life despite the challenges. An encouraging, wise and experienced expat together with Jo Parfitt, to whom I would be grateful for my entire life, did the rest.

•  How was your experience at FIGT14? What were your favorite takeaways and outcomes from the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency and FIGT14? 

First of all, I went home with a new, like minded and supportive group of friends. I couldn’t have done and lived this adventure without them. My best takeaway from the PPWR was and still is: “Every Story Matters” and we can make it alive when we are passionate and believers. The result of this is in our hands thanks to Jo’s intuition, belief and passion.

FIGT14 gave me a new village and a new extended family I belong to.

• What have you been up to since FIGT14? What is the best thing that happened to you as a writer since FIGT as a result of your attendance?

Many projects, researches, reading, listening, learning… Everything is coming to life at the same time with one main goal in mind: “Helping other people to see beyond the borders”. For the best thing, I still have to pinch myself… Never in life, I could have ever expected to have my name somewhere as a writer, but it’s just true.

 

Dounia Bertuccelli

Next Stop - Musings of a Third Culture Kid

• Tell us a little about your own expat/ TCK story and what led you to the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency?

I am a lifelong TCK of Lebanese origin, I have lived in Cyprus, USA, Mexico, Philippines, Australia, France, UK. I am currently back in the U.S. with my TCK husband (which makes life as an adult TCK a lot more fun!).

I have always loved writing. Journals, poetry…I’ve been writing as long as I can remember, and my notebooks traveled the world with me. When my husband and I moved to the U.S. a few years ago, I started writing regularly again. I started a blog about my TCK/adult TCK experiences; I eventually published a couple of articles on expat/travel topics and I realized that I wanted to try making a career out of writing. When I saw the PPWR, it felt like the perfect next step.

• How was your experience at FIGT14? What were your favorite takeaways and outcomes from the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency and FIGT14?

Attending the 2014 FIGT conference was a fantastic experience; I learned a lot and met wonderful people. It was comforting and exhilarating to be surrounded by people who understood the impacts of growing up/living across countries.

Although there were many great sessions and tips on living a global lifestyle, my favorite aspect of the conference and of being a writing scholar was the personal connections that were forged. The emotional and insightful experiences at FIGT were the greatest takeaway for me.

Admittedly, being published in a book is also an exciting result of being a 2014 PPWR scholar. Getting the chance to develop a career writing about TCK experiences has definitely been one of the best byproducts of attending FIGT.

• What have you been up to since FIGT14? What is the best thing that happened to you as a writer since FIGT as a result of your attendance?

Since FIGT14 I’ve been involved in a variety of projects, both in the TCK/expat and writing worlds. I’ve written articles and book reviews published both in print and online. I’m also a co-host of #TCKchat and Expat Resource Manager at Global Living Magazine.

TCKchat is a twitter chat for (Adult) Third Culture Kids around the world, of all ages and backgrounds (personal and professional). It’s a fantastic discussion forum, providing insight and information to help support current and future generations of TCKs. The Expat Resource Directory for Global Living is a ongoing compilation of all the best expat and TCK services, organizations, blogs and twitter accounts.

As a writer, attending FIGT allowed me to gain far more exposure than I ever expected. I was able to make great contacts and meet people that work in both expat/TCK environments and in the writing business. It opened up doors, which led to many new projects and is helping me build a career doing something I love.

 

Sue Mannering

What’s Next? Singapore Food Diaries

• Tell us a little about your own expat/ TCK story and what led you to the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency?

I started expat life in Dubai in late 2005. My three children and I joined my husband for his work and all children did high school in international schools there. I also worked in a number of international schools and managed several ballet schools before retraining to teach English. I taught English for a year before we moved to Singapore for my husband’s work. At that point all three children had moved back to our passport country, Australia, to study. We moved to Singapore as empty nesters.

I was lucky enough to enroll in a couple of writing courses with Jo Parfitt, who travelled to Singapore especially to run them. Through social media I learnt about the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency and applied. I was thrilled to learn I had been accepted into the program.

• How was your experience at FIGT14? What were your favorite takeaways and outcomes from the Parfitt Pascoe Writing Residency and FIGT14?

I thoroughly enjoyed FIGT14 as I felt a connection with every one there. It was an excellent learning opportunity, a wonderful way to connect with people and very emotional.

• What have you been up to since FIGT14? What is the best thing that happened to you as a writer since FIGT as a result of your attendance?

Since FIGT14, I was the assistant editor for the yearbook, and have written several articles for magazines in Singapore and overseas, including Global Living Magazine. The best thing that happened to me as a writer since FIGT was having an essay about expat empty nesting published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Reboot Your Life.

I have also enrolled in a Master of Arts, majoring in Political and International Studies.

Read Part 2 of this post here.